


The T.H.O.N.G. System

by frenchpirate (Whiskey_n_speed)



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Closeted Character, Dirty Talk, Drinking, Light Bondage, M/M, Non-Consensual Touching, Religious Conflict, Rimming, Roommates, Season/Series 05, Verbal Humiliation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-29
Updated: 2019-08-29
Packaged: 2020-09-28 21:44:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20432930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whiskey_n_speed/pseuds/frenchpirate
Summary: ~ Set in season 5, around the episode "Kitten Mittens" ~Maybe the D.E.N.N.I.S. system needed an update. Maybe Mac really thought their business-idea had some major flaws. Maybe Dennis was just never more than an inch away from doing something drastic, and all it took was being woken up in the middle of the night, a terrible merch-idea, and an absolutely ridiculous and unhinged fit of rage.(Or: Dennis develops a new system in which Mac plays a vastly bigger role.)





	The T.H.O.N.G. System

His bed seemed too hot, too humid. It wasn’t that he himself was too hot, it was just that his room, all of sudden, seemed too small, too crammy. His bed was fine, it was an almost-queen-bed, and there was plenty of space for him (and the variety of hot, busty ladies he had previously sexually occupied here), but in this particular moment, it just seemed too small.

He was thinking. Which was a problem. Thinking while hanging out at the bar was a definitive advantage, he had some good ideas. Dennis always said so – he was the next best at coming up with schemes. Frank and Charlie were just way too out there, they were too out of touch with reality – and Dee was just useless. Thinking was a good thing, in most situations. In the bar – amazing. In his bed at 2 am – frustrating. Right now, it was a straight up bummer.

He couldn’t sleep. Although they had had an idea that was on a genius, million-making, completely incredible level, just a few hours ago, his mind was racing.  
It was like this sometimes. He would do business with Dennis, just the two of them, because they were honestly the most legendary, most compelling, most inventive Gruesome Twosome (fuck Frank and Charlie and their ridiculous ownership of that catchphrase – they didn’t even get the first thing about scheming), and they would always get it right. He and Dennis, they knew how to do anything right. They were just like that. Their apartment was a fortress of ingenuity. They could make anything great, he and Dennis.  
Which lead to the problem. He was lying sleepless, despite somehow coming up with the most intrigue, money-making and intricate scheme for Paddy’s Pub to have ever seen in daylight (nightlight, whatever). Yeah, sure, it had somehow been Frank’s idea, but they had finessed it to unrecognizability. It had been a good idea, and they had turned it into a great idea.

The gun. The gun had been the primary factor of this scheme. If just guns could shoot tequila instead of bullets. Which was the general idea. They already had the tequila part down, they just needed to get the gun part down. It didn’t work quite right, yet. Which was what Mac was thinking about.

He had talked to Dennis about this earlier. The technology of the scheme was not so much of a problem – as soon as they’d get investors, they’d get someone else to think about the general mechanics, the Asians probably. This was not a problem. It had never been a problem. There was another problem.

What was a problem, a problem indeed, was what was happening to the rest of the merchandise series. They had developed, in the immediate legacy of the gun, a fair share of different products that would definitely pull unbelievable amounts of cash to Paddy’s. They had discussed this, the two of them, and planned it in detail.

But he and Dennis were threatened as main investors in the Paddy’s Pub merchandise series. Although it wasn’t a question of legality, as much as it was a question of stupidity. Charlie, Dee and even Frank would definitely play into this, they would try and make this about them. Which would suck. It wasn’t about them. They would try and collect their share of something that wasn’t even theirs to begin with. And it would matter. He and Dennis, they had the good ideas, they were the money-makers, they got the ladies and they ruled Paddy’s. The chief and the sheriff. They would still, no matter how, be the main collectors of whatever profit was to be made from this, no matter whose idea it technically was from the beginning. Screw the others.

All this seemed so straightforward, which is why Mac was so bewildered to as why he couldn’t sleep. Yeah, it was a problem, but it was an easy solved one that he had already figured out, hours earlier. It must’ve had something to do with their coextensive ideas about merch that would promote the Pub. The gun was the best one, but they’d had several minor ideas that were also complete best-sellers. He thought they were bulletproof, which they also seemed to be whatsoever (again, they had discussed this), but maybe these late-night doubts were proof that they needed to think this baby-idea of the original idea over.

There was one particular merch spin-off that kept popping back into his mind. It was awful.

He needed to consult Dennis. Which was the second problem of his continuous stream of thoughts. Dennis was usually available at all times of the day (unless, of course, he was making another sex-tape, or in deep thought about the next scheme), but there were certain hours of the night, even morning if they had been particularly wasted the night before, where it was only acceptable to disturb him if concerned a matter of life and death. (Or one of the previously mentioned sex-tapes, obviously (it was a Dennis-thing, don’t mention it)).

But that was, as of the moment, an increasingly vast problem.

As Mac’s overthinking-session was coming to an end, he had made a (what he found to be a very logical) decision.

He needed to wake up Dennis. Even though it was a (kind of) non-Paddy’s, non-emergency, non-busty-lady type situation. He needed to talk to him about the rest of the merchandise ideas. In his eyes, it totally was a matter of life and death. That should mean something. Honestly, it was a mystery to Mac how the rest of the crew didn’t get his sense of impending doom. Sometimes, his 2 AM ideas were what could make or break the bar, they just didn’t seem to realize.

Yeah, he definitely needed to wake up Dennis.

*

“Dennis, Dennis, wake up!”

His roommate's room was dark, the curtains were drawn, and he had with the skill of a professional ninja (like the Sheriff of Paddy’s Pub would have anything less), sneaked into Dennis’ room, past all the busty-lady-traps and towards the king-sized bed in the middle of the room.

“What?”

Dennis was mumbling, still half asleep and obviously annoyed to be woken up like this. It was closer to three AM at this point, and Mac knew he was treading deep waters.

“We need to talk, dude,” Mac continued, unconcerned by his roommate’s clear disproval of the situation.

“About what?”

Dennis sat up straight in his bed, shooting a glare at the clock on his bedside table. “It’s like two-thirty in the fucking morning, dude, it better be a 911!”

“It really is.”

Mac was leaning over the bed, face to face with Dennis, who seemed somewhat to be managing the situation. He was coming to terms with that fact that being woken up was somehow more important than being asleep.

“So, what’s the 911?”

“I’m not sure the additional Paddy’s Pub merch is gonna work!”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Dennis seemed to already be slipping further underneath his comforter again, giving up on the conversation. This was not an option. Mac was thinking way too fast, and Dennis needed to catch up if Mac was ever going to go to sleep tonight. He needed to get this.

“No, no – Dennis – I’m being super serious right now, I can’t sleep,” he insisted, resorting to lightly shaking his roommate’s shoulder with his hand. “Come on!”

“God damn it! Alright, if it’ll make you shut up and let me go back to sleep. What?” Dennis reopened his eyes that he had momentarily closed and sat straight up again. He looked at Mac under heavy eyelids that were implying that he better hurry the fuck up with whatever he had going on.

“It’s just – the series of clothing we talked about today…”

“It’s impeccable. We already settled on that. T-shirts and towels for the men, thongs for the ladies. What more could a bar possibly need?” Dennis argued.

“Okay, one quick question then,” Mac said, completely convinced that he was about to rock Denni’s world.

“In God’s name, just get to the point.”

“How would you like to go to a strip club, but the strippers were all fatties. Would you like that?”

“No of course not, no one would! Mac, is this like a new fetish thing of yours? Like I know I never bring the my-mom-thing up, but I swear to God if you’re-“

“No! No, that’s my point. It’s the thongs, Dennis.”

Dennis squinted his eyes like he was trying to get ahead and reach Mac’s point before he made it himself, clearly more interested in the subject now that strippers had been mentioned.

“What about the thongs?”

“How are we going to ensure that only hot ladies wear them? Like how do we know that Paddy’s won’t suddenly be overrun by 300-pound chicks in their underwear? We need to distribute our product – to only beefcakes and sexy chicks.”

“You know what Mac, that’s actually weirdly insightful of you. I hadn’t thought of that.”

“I know, dude, that’s why I couldn’t sleep!”

“How about this: ‘Paddy’s thongs – hot chicks exclusive’” Dennis nodded. “That would work for a slogan.”

“Bro we hardly have any hot chicks at Paddy’s as it is,” Mac said.

“Now that is true, but that’s what the merchandise series is there to counteract. I mean, it’s fashionable, it’s hilarious, it’s comfortable, I mean-“

“I don’t think thongs are very comfortable,” Mac shrugged. “But I mean that’s up to the chicks.”

“What do you mean thongs aren’t comfortable?” Dennis sounded almost offended, his voice rising to that particular tone where you now you were about to get lectured the shit out of. “What does it matter whether they’re comfortable. Comfort is a virtue that only savages appreciate! Thongs are one of God’s greatest inventions, they discreetly and yet obviously underline the most important part of the human body – genitals and ass – while being so sparsely sown that the fabric leaves only the most exquisite to our feeble imaginations. We can only thank the mightier powers, and you would know Mac, you really would, as you thank them every god damn day for dusters and the bible and whatever the hell it is you care about, for this heavenly piece of clothing that they have so almightily bestowed upon the unworthy.”

Dennis almost had to catch his breath after that rant, and Mac just raised a questioning eyebrow.

“However impressed I am with your sudden interest in God, I was honestly just talking about not wanting to see fat, naked chicks every night at Paddy’s,” he said, pulling an overbearing grimace. He had obviously come in here in the first place because his matter was one of utmost importance, yet somehow Dennis seemed to have taken it to an even higher level. Maybe it was for the better that Mac just never woke him up in the middle of the night. He was almost willing to admit that he hadn’t thought this completely through.

“Oh, you better be impressed, Mac,” Dennis continued, and Mac sighed in the general direction of his knees. He was squatting beside his roommate’s bed and this position was slightly too uncomfortable for a speech of the longer kind. “You can’t even start to fathom the importance of the thong. If women were allowed to were only one single piece of clothing for the rest of time, this would be the clear winner, as there is nothing more pleasing to the eye – hell, I would rather see a fat chick in a thong than in sweatpants, or anything else for that matter, and you know why? You know why? Because it highlights Mac, and art so subtle none of you savages would even begin to understand it.”  
He was gesturing wildly, and Mac could swear that he was starting to break a sweat, even though the room was dim, only lit by the lamp in the living room that Mac had turned on before coming in here. Dennis' hair was a mess, his eyes were focused wildly on Mac, and he was starting to reach that unhinged state where there was absolutely no turning back. By now he kind of regretted coming in here in the first place.

“Any woman, or anyone for that matter could put on a thong and look better! I mean, look at me! Look at me!” Dennis close to shouted, and Mac eloquently raised his eyes to look at him. “If someone as handsome as me were to put on Paddy’s thong, the greatest of all thongs, I could seduce anyone! I could seduce every single woman in Philly, every woman in America! I could seduce the god damn president. Oh, you don’t think I could? With my looks and the elegance of Paddy’s thong! I could seduce you, Mac, I could – I could.”

Mac pressed his lips together – Dennis was straight up yelling at this point, and this conversation was heading way off track, and he would very much like to get back on said track. “Dennis you can’t se-“

“Oh, you shut up! It would take me mere seconds to seduce you, you bible-jerking, denial-indulgent son of a – seconds I tell you! Seconds!”

Mac got up from where he was kneeling, gesturing towards the door. “Y’know maybe I should just head back to my ro-“

“You don’t think I could? Oh, you fool. You absolute i d i o t! I could get you hot and heavy with a flick of my wrist, you absolute idiot!”

“I feel like we're not talking about the thongs anymore,” Mac said suggestively. Dennis was still succumbed under his comforters although the wild waving of his arms had messed the entire bed up completely. Mac made a mental note to never wake Dennis up again. His mood apparently escalated in a stellar fashion, and this was not something to be dealt with in the dark of the night.

“No, of course you don’t,” he replied, seeming almost an uncanny kind of calm within the seconds. “Of course you don’t.”

“Maybe we should just talk about this in the morning,” Mac offered, and Dennis nodded slowly. His skin was gleaming and there was an insane gleam to his eyes. He was staring at Mac in a way that made him feel small and uncomfortable in his own skin. This was even worse than how he’d felt in his room. The crammy feeling of a space being too small was the whole reason he’d headed in here in the first place, and now the place too small for him had transcended from his bed to his entire body. It was a terrible feeling.

“Yeah, yeah – we should just let this all slide. We’ll talk in the morning. Oh, we’ll talk, Mac.”

Mac grinned at him, more out of politeness than anything, he had no wish to deal with Dennis in his current state, and carefully backed out his bedroom door and back into his living room.

When he was safely back out into the light with the door to Dennis’ room closed in front of him, he grabbed a beer from the fridge, really just to calm down from whatever the hell had just happened. His entire body felt out of place. Even though he had saw Dennis this angry almost daily, it felt like it had been different when the anger had been mounted on him alone (even though, had it really?) than when it was just directed at whomever was in the bar at the moment the anger kicked in. He felt exhausted yet somehow intrigued, like they had just been in a big fight. This hadn’t been a fight though. Mac had just displayed a interposed train of thoughts, and Dennis had hijacked the train and driven it, not even off the rails, but like completely out of the general area where trains were supposed to operate. Seduce him, that was crazy. Dennis couldn’t seduce him. It was dude on dude and, as everyone knew, deeply against the wishes of God. Hot ladies in thongs – now that he could get behind (figuratively and literally), but all the other things that happened in there. Crazy.

He finished his beer and decided on rereading a verse of scripture (God knows he needed it after whatever happened in there), then masturbate, and go to sleep. It was his usual evening-routine, and maybe that was what he should’ve resorted to in the first place. Yeah, waking up Dennis had been a terrible, unsettling and confusing idea.

After what was a painfully slow and weird session with his hand on his dick, Mac passed out in his bed and decided that whatever business idea it had been his intention to discuss in there, it could wait ‘till morning. Maybe he should even involve Charlie and just talk to him instead. Sure, his ideas were usually completely ridiculous, but at least it would be reasonably talked through instead of getting him overwhelmed with an angry rant about thongs and seduction and – and whatever. He closed his eyes and drifted off.

*

“Good morning Mac.”

The voice was calm and icy, and Mac confusedly fought to open his eyes. He wasn’t sure what time of the night it was, but it was definitely night, because it was way too early to be woken up.

“Wakey, wakey,” the voice called, and Mac opened his eyes, only to catch the vague shadow of Dennis standing before the foot of his bed. It was still dark in his room. Maybe Dennis had continued thinking about the business proposal that had woken him up earlier and decided to get revenge.

Mac tried to reach and scratch his hair, but upon doing so, he discovered that he couldn’t move his right arm. He resorted to the left one, but with the exact same result. He couldn’t move either of his arms. He looked back up at the silhouette that was his roommate, but only for a few moments.

Then, the small lamp he kept in the corner of his room was turned on, and even though the dim light blinded him for a few seconds, he quickly looked back up at Dennis, who had barely moved from where he was standing at the foot of Mac’s bed.

His gaze was dark and calm, and his whole body was tense. Upon further inspection, Mac discovered that Dennis was completely naked – except for the small piece of dark green fabric that was covering his crotch. He was wearing Paddy’s thong that he had shown Mac eagerly that same afternoon. Mac shook his head to regain his full conscience, and quickly discovered that both his hands were tied to his headboard with what looked to be old ties. Dennis’ ties.

“Dennis, what the fuck?” His voice was drowsy. Even though he’d only had one beer before bed (the second time – he’d had quite a few before he went to bed the first time), he could still feel that his room, body and the presence of Dennis was confusing him a bit.

“The D.E.N.N.I.S. system…” Dennis quietly but surely began.

“Yeah, I know the system bro, it’s genius. But what’s all this?”

He tugged a bit with both his hands, only to find that he was severely tied up. He had absolutely no way of escaping what seemed to be the tie-up that Dennis had put him in while he was sleeping.

“Don’t interrupt me,” Dennis interrupted. “The system is outdated. I’m about to introduce you to my new system.”

“Dennis, you’re kind of freaking me out,” Mac objected and at that, Dennis gave a annoyed shake of his head.

“I said, let me talk! You’re about to be introduced to the new and improved system.”

“Den, why am I tied up, and why are you naked?”

“I’m. Not. Naked!” The look in Dennis' eyes was on the verge of diabolic. “I’m wearing the only piece of clothing the gods ever intended for mankind to wear. I look like a work of art in this.”

Mac tugged on his arms again. It was making him way too uncomfortable to not be able to move and have Dennis staring him down like that. He still hadn’t moved, except for the shake of his head and the turning on the light.

“You’re going to be the very first person to experience the T.H.O.N.G. system: the new and more improved way to settle how utterly superior I am to everyone other man on earth. I am a God, Mac, and how I was foolish to think you already knew my powers, when you’re only about to find out.”

“Dennis-“

At this, his roommate suddenly moved. Pouncing forward and settling with a knee on each side of Mac’s hips, straddling him completely. He was towering above him, his chest rising up and down like he was out of breath, still gleaming with the sweat that had appeared earlier when he was yelling at Mac. He smiled, a knowing and sinister smile that Mac didn’t know what to make of.

“What are you talking about? What system? Why am I tied up, bro, you could’ve just asked me if you wanted some new way to trick chicks-“

“This goes way beyond chicks, Mac,” Dennis said, while running a palm up and down Mac’s chest. He had been wearing only sweatpants and boxers when he went to sleep, which now resulted in his bare torso being subject of Dennis’ touches. It felt weird, and wrong, but mostly weird, to have only his underwear, his pants and the comforter between his crotch and Dennis’ hardly covered ass. Mac knew that he and Dennis were probably closer than most roommates, hell, it probably wasn’t even normal for bros to watch each other’s sex-tapes, but this was a step too far. This seemed almost – sexual. Which was definitely in the wrong for two buddies.

“This, Mac, is proof that from now on, and until eternity, I am right. I am right when it comes to business, I am right when it comes to rules, and I am right when it comes to you.” He grinned manically down at Mac, who was feeling more and more powerless in he hands of his roommate, said hands still caressing his chest.

“Dennis, I’m kind of freaking out-“

“Shut u p!” Dennis shouted. “Or I swear to God I will gag you.”

Mac shut his mouth.

“Now,” he continued unbothered, like this was some regular kitchen-counter-conversation they always had while waiting for take-out. “I have already performed steps one and two. But those are just the commencing phases. You showed me that, oh Mac, you have no idea.”

He padded Mac on the cheek, not lightly, but not quite hostile either.

“I am going to everything your simple mind don’t think I’m capable of. I am going to seduce you so hard, I’ll have you begging like putty before me before you’ll even know what happened.”

“Is this still what this is about?” Mac could feel himself getting frustrated. He should’ve never initiated whatever conversation had turned to this. “Mac, bros aren’t supposed to seduce each other. You can’t just do that.”

“So – you’re saying there is no possible way, that I, a man, could turn you on. Right here right now.”

“Absolutely,” Mac said, shaking his head.

“Then why are you hard?”

Mac shoot a single glance downwards, to where the comforter was separating his body from Dennis, and as true as it was spoken, he most definitely had a hard-on.

“Well, that’s just because you just woke me up. Morning-wood y’know. Sorry ‘bout that by the way.”

“So, I can’t turn you on?”

“No, Den, you’re my bro, my dude.”

“So whatever I do, whatever happens now, I can’t make you horny?”

“No way, that would be gay. You know how I feel about all th-“

“Hm.” Dennis nodded. He had that annoyingly knowing look, like he had a secret that he hadn’t let Mac in on yet. “Fine.”

Then, he proceeded to lean down and put his mouth on Mac’s neck. His hair was tickling Mac’s nose, and his mouth had captured that one sweet spot between his jawline and his shoulder where absolutely everything felt good. Which was a solid argument that this meant nothing. He could just pretend that it was a woman doing all the things Dennis was doing right now – the light sucking, the licking all the way from his collarbone to his earlobe, the way he gently bit his earlobe, the push of his hands against Mac’s shoulders. This was all just circumstantial. This was nothing.

What wasn’t nothing though was the way Dennis lightly pressed his ass down on Mac’s crotch. Now all the other things, Mac could pretend, but right there, that was a dick. There was no denying that whatever was happening in the downstairs region was happening against a man. He could feel the push of Dennis crotch, his ass, his balls and the base of his dick, and it was making him crazy. There was in no way this was okay. The kissing, whatever, but the whole other thing? That was something else.

“How are you feeling, baby boy?” Dennis whispered against his neck, and the breath made Mac shiver.

“I’m not feeling anything. This is nothing.”

“Oh I know, I can’t turn you on. This is all just an unfortunate situation.”

“Exactly!” Mac exclaimed. He didn’t like how breathy his voice was coming out, but that was nothing to worry about at the moment. He had bigger issues. More pressing.

“So, since this is nothing, why don’t I just, y’know, go a bit further?” Dennis asked, with sly and very, very fake innocence.

“You what?” Mac gasped, but he didn’t have time to process his line of thought with any more precaution before Dennis was sucking on his nipple. “What, whawhawhat?”

He was whining, and even though he was painfully aware of that, it seemed like he wasn’t quite able to stop. Dennis bit down, only ever so carefully that it was painful but still embarrassingly pleasant.

His hands moved down the length of Mac’s torso and towards the edge of the comforter, that was hiding what now (regretfully) a bit more than morning-wood.

“How about I help you with that?” Dennis asked with a voice that was as silky as the sheets he slept on.

“No, no – no!” Mac exclaimed, out of breath but still firm enough that it came out as more than a request. “That’s gay. That’s a sin.”

“Oh yeah, sorry. I forgot about the sin. Now we don’t want to do something bad, now do we?”

He didn’t sound the least bit sorry, though.

He moved off of Mac’s crotch, and to his own great regret, he (accidentally) thrusted a bit upwards as his crotch was suddenly left untouched.

“We’re not doing the Devil’s work, now are we? We’re just doing straight things, that the ever so heterocentric God above would approve of…”

He trailed off as he placed his hands on Mac’s hips and started kissing his abdomen. “Nothing wrong with a bro appreciating how pumped another bro looks. I can appreciate a good ab after a workout – you did work out today, didn’t you?”

“Yeah, yeah, I did,” Mac panted, trying mentally to nail his hips to the mattress, as to not push up against Dennis face, which was now alarmingly close to the edge of his boxers.

The comforter had somehow, magically, slipped down to the middle of his thighs, leaving him way more exposed than he liked.

“And the thong, the thong. We agreed that it was just a technique to get ladies naked in the bar, right? And you don’t think that looks bad, do you? Do you think the thong is gross?”

Dennis breath was hot against the rim of Mac’s pubes, and he felt the urge to cry. Not out of sadness or frustration, no, not that. More like the kind of frustration you feel when your favourite junkfood-joint is having a free pizza-slice night and you find out you’re working an all-nighter that same day. Except, this wasn’t really about pizza. He was pretty sure, by now, that this had nothing to do with pizza.

“Do you think the thong looks bad?” Dennis was pouting, momentarily removing his face from Mac’s skin, and like a secret codeword between childhood friends, Mac knew exactly how to get his face back onto his skin, just as Dennis knew how to get him to say exactly what he wanted to hear.

“No, no – the thong looks great. It looks great on you Dennis, now please-“

“Oh, I know it looks great,” he replied, putting his mouth back on Mac’s hipbone, sucking in a way that would definitely need a string of excuses tomorrow. Like how he’d definitely worked out too hard and gotten a few bruises. At the same time, Dennis pressed his knees together and scooted back up, straddling Mac’s thighs. It wasn’t quite like before, but it was close. Way too close, and somehow also way too far away. “Tell me again!”

“It looks so good on you, Dennis, you look like a God in the thong,” Mac rambled. And Dennis huffed a snicker against his skin.

“So, does it look hot?”

His question was way too drawn out, because every time he asked Mac something, his mouth was away from whatever it was doing, making hickeys on his pelvis, which was something that related very closely to criminal to Mac at this point. Mac wanted so badly to reach out and slap Dennis, he wasn’t sure whether it was to stop him or to get him to suck harder (and lower), but Dennis was definitely slapping material as it was.

“Yes, it looks hot. Dennis, you look so god damn hot right now, I can’t even stand you, I want to hit you so hard for even doing this to me in the first place!”

“Hit me in a good or bad way?”

“I don’t know, okay,” Mac whined. “I hardly know what’s even good or bad right now. I just know you deserve to be slapped across your stupid, asshole-face so hard that you don’t even-“

He stopped abruptly when Dennis tugged at the hem of his sweatpants.

“I don’t even what?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know.”

Mac felt so frustrated that he probably could’ve cried. Although this wasn’t a time for crying, it was time for a serious talk with himself (and God), and somehow it wasn’t really time for that either. He was crying out loud, begging Dennis to continue, or threatening to punch him, he was barely sure anymore, and Dennis just kept on licking his way from Mac’s pubic hair to his navel, biting down on his hipbones, tugging on the waist of his pants. It was driving him crazy. He was feeling a million things at once, and then again he wasn’t sure of a single thing he was feeling at all. He was just about to come undone when Dennis suddenly disappeared. The absence of his mouth and pressure on top of him made Mac whimper, and at this, he opened his eyes (which he hadn’t even known had been closed).

Dennis was standing above him again, sweaty and engulfed in the gloomy light. He looked like something Mac had never seen before. In lack of better words, he looked like a God. The green thong was hugging his hips, making the muscles of his hips stand out in a way that – had he been working out lately? – Mac didn’t know, and right now it didn’t matter to him at all.

“What the hell?” He was gasping, and Dennis smiled down at him. His smile wasn’t softer or any more compassionate than it had been when he had first been standing there, but it was still different. Benevolent, like an authority that knows their inferiors too well, like a teacher right before hell breaks loose in their classroom, still knowing that they have the almighty power.

“What the hell what?” Dennis cocked his eyebrow.

“What was that?”

“The what?”

Mac would’ve straight up tackled him at this point, had he not been bound to the bed in a manner that left him only to await what would happen next.

“The whole – whatever that was?”

“Oh, that was just you winning an argument,” Dennis smiled and turned as if to leave.

“What argument?”

“The one where I couldn’t turn you on, you moron,” he said like it was completely obvious to Mac. “You told me back then that I could never seduce you, and well – you proved me right!”

“What?” Mac blinked a few times as to understand the absurdity of the situation.

“Well, you were right. All this was just circumstantial, right? I didn’t turn you on in the slightest.”

“Well, no,” Mac agreed. It had really been mostly circumstantial. It was just a “happy” accident that he had been horny when Dennis woke him up.

“So now that the point is proven, I might as well go to bed and we’ll just never talk about this again. You won, I guess.”

Mac didn’t feel like a winner. He pretty sure that Dennis was manipulating him somehow right now, he always was, but he wasn’t really sure what his angle was. So, what Dennis said was right, right? He hadn’t been turned on by a dude. It was all just circumstantial.

“I guess,” he begun, and before he reached further, Dennis made a move for his bedroom door.

“Wait!” Mac exclaimed as Dennis had his hand on the handle.

“What?” Dennis asked, his crooked smile showing that he had Mac exactly where he wanted. Mac hated this, he was way too easy to manipulate, but Dennis was just so good at predicting what Mac wanted before he even knew it himself. And right now he wanted Dennis to stay in his room a bit longer.

“Maybe you, uhm – maybe you weren’t exactly done with conduction your experiment?” Mac asked carefully. “I mean, experiments usually need far more research.”

“Oh that’s great Mac,” Dennis exclaimed. “But I’m going to need so much more. So much.”

“So much more what?”

“So much more convincing, you idiot.”

“Like what?”

“Like tell me why you want to conduct this experiment,” Dennis suggested, his sly smile indicating that he, once again, was way ahead of Mac. But tied up, hard and confused, Mac wasn’t really concerned with how fast he was thinking things through. What he knew was, though, that only minutes ago something had felt really good (although sinful), and now it was gone. It was an experiment he thought was worth exploring further.

“I said, tell me what you want me to do to you,” Dennis repeated, leaning against the doorframe and looking at Mac like he owned him. Mac hated it. He didn’t really – but he did.

“I want you to come back and continue your experiment,” Mac said, conjuring as much of a determined tone of voice as he could. “Come back and keep doing what you were just doing to me.”

“Why?”

“You know why,” Mac complained.

“Why?” Dennis insisted.

“Don’t make me say it.”

“W h y?” He reached towards the door handle again.

“Because!” Mac shouted. “It felt good, and it made me horny, and I liked it, and I don’t want you to stop!”

“Oh,” Dennis smiled with a huff, almost surprised that he had finally gotten Mac to say what he expected was the goal all along. “So I seduced you?”

“That’s not what I was saying,” Mac complained, tugging a bit at the ties again.

“So,” Dennis began. Mac was starting to get annoyed with how often Dennis began his sentences with a “so”, like he was completely in charge of everything Mac was saying. He wasn’t, for anyone asking. Mac was acting of his own free will, thank you very much, even though Dennis always liked to think he was manipulating Mac into all sorts of things. Mac wasn’t that hard to manipulate. “If I were to take your ties off, right now, you wouldn’t want to fuck me?”

“I – I what?”

Once again, Mac was dumbfounded. This night was turning to too much of that, in his own opinion.

“Say, I’m gonna take your ties off, and I’m gonna do exactly what I did before, and you’re not gonna rip this thing off me,” he continued while pulling the hem of the thong, letting it make a slapping noise as it hit his skin again, “and fuck the shit out of me?”

“Do you – do you want me to do that?”

“Oh, that’s not the question, baby boy, that’s not the question at all. The question is would you do it? Would you flip me over and fuck me like you know you want to?”  
Mac didn’t get the chance to reply, because as soon as he’d stopped talking, Dennis jumped him, straddling his dick once again and reaching for the ties. His stomach knotted up in sheer anticipation of what would happen when his hands were freed.

Except, they weren’t.

Instead, Dennis kissed him. Full forward on the mouth. It was wet and dirty and Mac couldn’t help but push his entire upper body up against him, as far as the ties would let him, and reciprocate the kiss with full force. Dennis’ lips were hot and wet, and the greedy, wanting way he kissed was almost too much for Mac. When he bit his lower lip, kind of hard and tugging, Mac couldn’t help but let out a real, full moan and push his hips up against Dennis’ ass.

Dennis was fully hard too, which was easy to see through the thong. It was really real, all that Dennis had said earlier, because the fabric covered so little of Dennis, and yet it was the part of him that Mac wanted to see (and touch, and possibly other things) the most.

“Are you gonna fuck me, Mac?” Dennis whispered the question in his ear, and the proceeded to suck his earlobe into his mouth and lick it ever so lightly.

“-yes, yes! I’m gonna fuck you!” Mac was surprised that the words even escaped his mouth, although he meant every syllable. And then Dennis finally reached for the ties, and just as he touched Mac’s wrist, he pulled back.

“Hm, somehow I’m still not sure,” he said with feigned consideration. “Better, y’know, take the experiment to a point where I can really, really, be sure you’re not gonna back out on me.”

He then disappeared once again from Mac’s atmosphere, and this time Mac actively cried out for him.

But no sooner than he had felt the absence of Dennis’ body, Mac felt the comforter being pulled off of him, and he saw Dennis toss it to the side. “Sorry about the mess,” he grinned as he crawled back onto the bottom of the bed.

Then, he started pulling at Mac’s sweatpants, and Mac threw his head back, letting Dennis do whatever he wanted – by now, this was honestly, by God, out of his hands. And when the pants and boxers as well disappeared, leaving Mac fully exposed to his roommate, he dared opening his eyes again.

The sight itself was enough to make him ache. He looked down over his own body, his hard, leaking dick, and right there, right there, Dennis’ grinning face. He scooted upwards and dragged Mac’s legs across his shoulders. Mac wasn’t sure if he should just come right then and there, because he could, definitely, but something inside him told him to wait.  
“Now, just close your eyes, and think about how in a minute I’m gonna let you free,” Dennis cooed, and Mac did exactly that as he felt Dennis’ mouth on his inner thigh, breathing and kissing it’s way up to something way more out what could scientifically be described as an experiment.

Then, he felt the heat of Dennis breath against his balls, and his dick twitched at the feeling, as well as the expectation of what was about to happen.

Except that wasn’t what happened at all.

Suddenly, Dennis sucked one of his balls into his mouth and made a content, humming sound as he did – but only a moment later, he kissed something way lower than that, and Mac whimpered, both out of pleasure but also out of powerlessness, knowing that something way dirtier than what he’d imagined was about to happen.

Dennis' tongue was like the devil’s work. At first, it just tentatively explored the region around his hole – licked the flesh and kissed all the parts that wasn’t that. It felt like someone had discovered a new and more sensitive part of him, that was to be used by someone as Dennis – who of course knew exactly what he was doing. Mac was moaning out loud now, fuck whatever precautions he’d previously had, this was too good not to be experienced fully, and he threw his head back and closed his eyes, exactly like Dennis had told him to.

His tongue poked lightly inside him, just tasting, just feeling. It was warm and wet, and everything else at the same time. Mac had always though about experimenting with these kinds of things but never done so, and he now learned that this was a clear downside to everything because it felt like heaven.

Dennis' tongue was playful as it was exploring the skin around his hole, and whenever he lightly pushed inside, Mac let out the filthiest noises. Dennis himself was letting out small, satisfied noises, as he was working himself further and further in, until he was fucking Mac with his tongue. It was a quick but steady motion back and forth, and every time he moved back in, Mac was about to blow his load.

“Dennis – Dennis, I can’t, I can’t-“ he whimpered, and Dennis replied by annoyingly slowly pulling his tongue out and looking up at Mac.

“I’m gonna take your ties off now,” he announced, and crawled up over Mac, smiling down at him in the process. He pecked the side of his mouth, and when Mac didn’t seem to have any objections to this, he kissed him hard on the lips again.

Mac could taste himself, which was weird but not at all unpleasant, and he kept letting Dennis tongue toy inside his mouth, while he felt himself being freed of the bonds that had been on for way too long.

“Are you gonna fuck me?” Dennis whispered against his mouth, and Mac nodded helplessly. “Are you gonna fuck me hard?”

“I’m gonna fuck you,” Mac repeated, as he felt his first hand free, and he could finally, finally, run it across Dennis' neck, shoulder, back, ass and thigh. He hadn’t even known he needed this because he had been too occupied with everything else that happened, but now that he had his hands back, he couldn’t stop them from exploring. He grabbed Dennis neck, pulled at his hair, slid his hands down his back and settled on his ass. They kissed again, and this time, the way Dennis kissed was more of a fight than anything else. When they parted, he looked at Mac with such a challenging look that he couldn’t help but move in a way that flipped them over, letting him be on top.

“You really are gonna fuck me?” Dennis grinned in that weird, demanding way, that Mac usually found annoying, but now only made him harder.

“Oh yeah, I am,” he whispered into his roommate's neck. Now that Dennis was on his back, Mac quickly let his hands find their way to the thong, that god damn thong, and pulled at it until Dennis bent his legs and let it slide off.

“Do you know what to do?” Dennis asked, and even though his approach seemed helpful, Mac felt offended.

“Fuck you, I know what to do!”

He emphasized his knowledge by letting his hands drop down between Dennis’ legs, and to his satisfaction, Dennis let out a loud moan as his fingers started moving in between his cheeks. He spat on his hands, and with a tentative finger, started pushing inside. Dennis squirmed a little at first but encouraged Mac wholeheartedly even so, and within minutes he had his finger deep in his ass. It felt so warm and so good, and Mac was once again about to explode from sensations and expectations, except he knew that this time his expectations were on point. He tried with another finger, and the sounds Dennis made as he did so was only encouraging. After a few minutes like this he couldn’t stand it any longer, it was too much. He knew what they could be doing, and they weren’t doing it, and it was killing him.

“I’m going to fuck you now,” he announced, kind of dumbfoundedly as if he wasn’t even expecting himself to say it.

“I’m waiting,” Dennis grinned with a cock of his eyebrows, pulling Mac in for another wet kiss. And just as his mouth felt almost too good to be inside of, Mac pushed inside him and was about to cum just from the first few seconds alone. This was unlike anything he’d ever tried before. It was so hot, it was so tight, and the way Dennis moved beneath him, it was too much, the sensation alone. He felt how their bodies were flush against each other, slick with sweat and so, so close. He’d never felt so close to anyone in his life, as he, with a long-drawn moan from Dennis, pushed all the way in.

“Kiss me,” Dennis demanded, and Mac complied more than willingly. It was like Dennis' tongue was doing everything Mac wasn’t able to do, in the sheer fear of blowing his load in the first few seconds. Dennis was withering beneath him and pushing against him, and he had to take a second to collect himself.

“Now, fuck me, baby boy, fuck me,” Dennis begged, and Mac couldn’t possibly do anything but obey. He pulled himself outwards, letting out a loud, throaty noise as he did so, before pushing back inside.

“Shit Dennis, that’s – that’s so good,” he mumbled while pulling out again and starting to find his rhythm. Dennis nodded and threw his head back, and Mac couldn’t help but put his mouth to Dennis’ neck as he pushed back inside – harder this time. He started fucking him, slowly but hard, so hard, he could barely keep himself together. It was all that Dennis had done to him tonight and more, it was payback but in the most passionate way, he’d ever felt.

“Yeah, yeah you like that,” Dennis panted. “Keep going, right there – oh, o h.”

He picked up the pace, pushing into Dennis faster and deeper when suddenly Dennis made a loud, high-pitched noise that was about to make Mac fall apart. He kept whimpering and even started begging (Dennis, the Dennis, begging to be fucked), and Mac threw his head down into the crook of his neck.

“Touch me,” he whined, and despite having little to none brainpower left, Mac reached down and stroked Dennis dick. He’d never touched another man’s dick before, but sliding his hand up and down the shaft, letting his thumb stroke lightly over the head, it was all the things he liked doing to himself – and Dennis seemed to agree wholeheartedly. It didn’t feel weird at all, and after only a few strokes, Dennis yelled something incomprehensible, and then everything seemed to tighten beneath Mac. Dennis dick cramped in his hand as he shot his load over his own stomach, and his hole tightened so much around Mac’s dick that he couldn’t help but fuck inside him one last time before coming himself. It was all over in a matter of seconds, and then it was all pulsating muscles, and his dick going hard inside Dennis, which still felt like heaven, by the way.

“Wow,” Mac said, not really knowing how else to describe what had just happened.

“Wow indeed,” Dennis agreed, lying splayed out before Mac, sweaty and unhinged, although in an entirely different way than earlier – a way that Mac much preferred, he figured. He looked so hot right now, thong or not, and Mac couldn’t help but lean down and kiss him again as he pulled out. Dennis didn’t object, but let himself be kissed, even though Mac’s lips were sweaty and he was almost shaking a little bit – almost.

“I told you I could seduce you,” Dennis said triumphantly, as Dennis dropped down next to him.

“I’m gonna have to read so much scripture to you after his,” Mac laughed. It didn’t seem that important, although it was always worth mentioning. “Like, we might even have to cancel movie-night just to study the word of the lord.”

“Please don’t say that, I was just feeling so good.”

“I know, me too.”

*

“We optimized the merch-scam,” Charlie proudly announced when Mac stepped into the bar the next afternoon. “We make caps, how didn’t we think of caps, and then we just hand them out to everyone.”

“Yeah, yeah you do that,” Dennis agreed as he slid into his usual spot behind the bar, cracking open a beer and sliding it to Mac before taking one himself.

“We honestly thought you’d object more to a change in the scheme,” Dee said and shot Dennis a weird look.

“Yeah, I didn’t sleep much last night,” he explained. “I was up all night devising the sequel to the D.E.N.N.I.S system.”

“Didn’t you claim the system was bulletproof?” Dee asked with a cock of her eyebrow.

“Yeah, how could the system possible be improved?” Charlie added.

“Guys, guys, you’re underestimating my own ability to outsmart any living person, including myself. The new tactic is called the T.H.O.N.G. system,” Dennis said and shot a sly grin in Mac’s direction as he did so.

“That sounds stupid,” Charlie said. “What does that even mean?”

“Charlie, you fool, you absolute moron – you should never question me like that.” Dennis shook his head and Dee let out an audible sigh. “Now sit tight, and get ready to have your minds blown.”

“I can’t imagine I’ll be interested in this,” Dee said, rolling her eyes and cracking open another beer.

“Dee, you bitch!” Dennis shouted. “You don’t know shit about anything, now shut up will you.”

He then took in the spot behind the bar like a college-professor preparing for his favourite class.

“The T, you see, is for ‘taking charge’. This means that you take a place of authority, perhaps by lecturing, or maybe even scolding your subject. You need to take charge of the conversation. Leave them no choice but to listen to your obvious superiority,” Dennis begun, and Dee just stared at him clearly not impressed.

“Deandre, you absolute savage, no wonder guys never fall into complete adoration of you, you don’t know the system. The H, coming right after, stands for ‘hold back’. Immediately after you assert your own dominance, you need to pull back, maybe even disregard everything you just said. Just make sure than every expectation your subject just had is completely diffused. Let them down, and let them down good.”

He was smiling in that knowing way, the way that Mac had always known meant he was the best to come of with schemes. His brain was just something else.

“The O! Oh, the O is important,” he continued. Charlie had scooted closer and was listening closely, and Mac was inhabiting his bar stool with enough precaution to listen, but enough distance to not seem involved. “The O stands for overcompensating. Everything you just took back, everything that just subconsciously confused your target to not wanting to do needs to be so utterly and tortuously reversed that they are left completely baffled. You need to absolutely stun them with your resourcefulness in this step. Make them think that you’re crazy if you need to. Just overcompensate. Really.”

“And then what?”

“Then,” Dennis almost yelled with the same gleam to his eyes. “Then you reach the N, the best part. Negotiate. After overcompensating so hard that your target is confused, not only by you but by themselves and their entire being, you get them riled up so much that they beg for you. At this point, you can get anyone to say anything. You feign disinterest and they will succumb to you completely, falling to their knees for you to come back and finish whatever overcompensation you were doing before.”

Charlie was dumbfounded. Mac was slightly offended. He knew, he had known from the start that he was the guinea pig of something bigger, but he just couldn’t be upset at this point. Last night (and this morning, don’t mind you) had been too big of a mood-lifter to care about what Dennis was explaining to Charlie and Dee.

“So, what’s the G for?” This time it was Dee who asked, clearly equally parts disgusted and interested in what was Dennis was explaining.

“The G?” Dennis said and smiled. “I haven’t quite figured that one out yet. The four first should be enough though, to make anyone want to sleep with you. I’ll come back with the fifth one to really seal the deal later.”

“You’re telling us that you came up with a five-step scheme that doesn’t have a fifth and final step?” Charlie asked, seemingly disappointed about where the conversation was headed.

“Dunno, buddy, I can’t magically make up something that isn’t there. If it’s there you gotta act, and then just go along with it. I guess sometimes you just gotta _give in_ to what you were already doing,” Dennis said with a grin. “But then again, I was up all night perfecting the scheme with Mac, I’m pretty sleep-deprived. It’s not 100% done.”

“Hm,” Charlie shrugged. “Guess that makes sense.”

“Yeah, we might need to take an hour to go in the back and finesse the hell out of this new system.”

“That would make sense,” Mac nodded. “Dennis and Mac, finessing the system.”

*

“Do you think the last step could make the waitress fall in love with me, like for real, once they’re done in there finessing the system?” Charlie was looking at Dee expectantly, rubbing his hands together like he was planning his own whole scheme.

“Buddy, I don’t think that’s what they’re finessing in there at all,” Dee said with a roll of her eyes.

“What – what do you mean?”

“You’ll get there, eventually, Charlie.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this. This is my first iasip fic, and I haven't written a fic in six long years (I'm an old lady in this day and age), so bear with me. That said, I am very keen on feedback, and I will take any with open arms. I am a bit unsure of whether I stayed in character (at all) with any of the characters, so don't go easy on me. Despite, I have recently become a very big fan of iasip, and I don't see this being my last fic in the "field". Thank you again.


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